I clearly remember the night I
found out the tooth fairy wasn’t real. With my tooth under the pillow and ready
to be taken to wherever it is those fairies take the teeth my dad came in to
say goodnight. I can still feel his arm slip under the pillow as he kissed my
cheek goodnight. I asked him what he was doing, only to see he had two coins in
his hand, ready to make the sneaky exchange. He was outed. I can’t say I was
really disappointed seeing as it still meant I could keep the money.
Being a parent and keeping all of
these silly lies afloat is hard work. I always thought I would be that parent
that would decorate the house for each holiday, make cookies shaped like ghosts
or bunnies or hearts or whatever mascot represents a certain holiday. I have
found I am more the parent that forgets a holiday is happening until other
parents are posting their creative Elf on the Shelf scenarios. Our elf, Steve,
he is now a permanent part of the family. He never went back to the North Pole,
he is currently hanging out with Barbie and Spider Man in the toy bin.
Whoever came up with these
traditions must not have been a parent. Let’s pinch people who don’t wear
green. Yeah, that’s smart. Send my kid home in tears because I can’t remember a
holiday. I’m not even Irish. Don’t punish my kids because I don’t have it all
together. Which brings me to the tooth fairy. I’m going to guess it was some
child’s aunt or uncle without kids that set up the tooth fairy. I thought I was
the worst tooth fairy until my kids 4th tooth fell out and I really
started thinking about it. Who thought it would be a great idea to put a tooth
under a pillow where a child is sleeping? How am I supposed to get to the tooth
if my kids head is on it? Explain this to me.
My first mistake was setting the
bar too high. $1 seemed like a decent amount for a first tooth lost. I think I
got $.50 in 1986 and according to the inflation calendar that would be $1.05
today. I’ve got two kids who will each lose about 20 teeth. That’s 40 teeth at
$1 a tooth. $40! Forty dollars for nature doing its thing. No wonder kids have
entitlement issues these days.
My second mistake was looking at
Pinterest for fun ideas. Sure I’ll sprinkle glitter on the dollar bill. How
cute will that be?! Not so cute when after I sprinkled said glitter, silver
glitter landed on everything else I touched the rest of the night. It looked
like that darn fairy flew all over our house. She was even kind enough to empty
the dishwasher.
My third
mistake was actually allowing my son to put his tooth under his pillow. Its
challenging enough sneaking into my son’s room just to check on him without him
waking up, let alone literally have to move his head out of the way to get to
the tooth. I hadn’t even reached his bed
yet when Soren shot up from a deep sleep. “Oh mom, it’s just you. I was so
excited I thought you were the tooth fairy!” Great. Now I had to wait until he
fell back asleep to try it all over again.
My fourth
mistake was lying to my child. He asked me if God made the tooth fairy. Forgive
me Lord, I said I didn’t know.
The morning
he woke up to find a note from the tooth fairy, a trail of glitter from the
window to his bed and one whole dollar he was ecstatic! He couldn’t wait to
lose more teeth. I admit, seeing the happiness some glitter and a dollar could
produce was contagious. I know there are so many opinions on introducing
fictional characters into the home and that’s not a debate I care to get into,
because frankly it’s up to each family to decide how they want to handle it. I
believed in Santa, the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy and I turned out fine.
At least, I like to believe I did.
So parents,
I urge you before jumping on the tooth fairy bandwagon, think it through. Maybe
have your child put their tooth next to their bed. And please, for my sake, do
not use glitter. You’ll thank me! But honestly, I love parents who get creative
with holidays. I really do. That is some parents gift and I never want to take
that away from them or make them feel like they have to hide it or apologize
for it. You go ahead and dye your milk green on St Patrick’s Day and decorate
your house to the nines for Halloween. But please can I ask just one more
thing? Please remember each family has their own way of doing things and don’t
teach your children to pinch mine if they aren’t wearing green.
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