glass cabinets

I have a love/hate relationship with our kitchen cabinets. I know that sounds silly. Why am I writing (or even complaining, kind of, about kitchen cabinets)? Here is why. Half of our cabinets have a solid door, while the other half has glass doors. When we first moved in I didn’t think much about that. I put whatever made sense into each cabinet. After having enough people over I began to become self-conscious of people seeing our plastic cups and plates mixed with ceramic bowls and glasses.  I took an afternoon and reorganized these cabinets. Nice plates and dishes only in the glass cabinets and all the other random stuff in the solid cabinets, tucked away for no one to see. I loved the transformation. I felt less self-conscious when having people over. It seems silly, but it put a little extra skip into my step to walk into the kitchen and it was one less mess in my day that I didn’t have to look at. Everything had a place.

While emptying the dishwasher one day and putting dishes in their respective places I had the thought of how similar my social media life is like these cabinets. I want only the good stuff to show and to throw all the other junk behind closed, solid doors. It made me uncomfortable at first. It didn’t seem right. I don’t want to present my life like I always have it together, as if all things in my life have a rightful place. But the more I wrestled with this and unpacked this idea I became more comfortable with it. I realized people kind of need to earn the right to see behind my solid doors or I want to be the one to decide when to open up those doors.  There are also certain things that don’t need to be opened up to the public, ever. Especially as my children get older, I want to protect them more as they become more human and more complex. It is becoming less and less my place to open their closed doors to the world. 

I have a dear friend who invites herself and her family over. I love it. Seriously. I absolutely love it. Sam and I want nothing more than to have people in our lives that just stop by unannounced or invite themselves over.  They can see our home in the midst of spring break when it looks like a tornado has ripped through our home and property. I watched as one friend was chopping vegetables, barefoot in our kitchen, brush a crumb off her foot against her leg. My floors were unswept. While there was some embarrassment that crept up while I watched this, she didn’t say a thing and I didn’t apologize. Deep down I wanted to and I think there is a part of me that will always want to. These women have earned the right to see behind my solid doors, literally and figuratively.  It didn’t start this way. I’m positive I made sure the house was sparkling from top to bottom the first who knows how many times they came over. But as our relationships have grown and I’ve slowly revealed myself to them I have felt safe and loved. And they have begun to open their doors to me as well.

I see social media differently now. While I still get jealous of certain instagram feeds and find myself wanting what they have, I am quick to remind myself that their beautiful photos are just their glass cabinets. They have solid cabinets as well. They are choosing not to show those and/or I haven’t earned the right to see behind those doors. I also remind myself that I have a tribe of people that do let me see into their real lives and I can enter into their homes and lives, sticky counters, unswept floors and all.